Fueling action in times of grief
LGBTQ+ folks and allies in Tulsa gather to mourn the loss of Nex Benedict and organize for a better future. February 2024.
It is an undeniably difficult time for our community right now, with states continuing to bring forth an onslaught of anti-LGBTQ legislation at state and local levels. The Washington Post recently released a report showing that in states that passed laws targeting the queer community, the occurrence of hate crimes in K-12 schools has quadrupled.
A recent tragic example of this increase in violence is the death of Nex Benedict. Nex was a nonbinary 16-year-old who died after being brutally attacked by older students in the girl’s bathroom at their high school in Owasso, Oklahoma in February 2024. According to their family and friends, they had been experiencing bullying and harassment at school due to their gender identity for a year before this attack.
For one staff member at Stonewall Community Foundation, Nex’s death hit close to home. Kalli Flores-Lyon, Stonewall’s Operations and Executive Assistant, grew up in Owasso and attended Owasso High School. “I first heard about what happened at my alma mater when a close friend and former classmate called me to talk about it and process and cry,” said Kalli. “She knew that I worked for Stonewall, and she wanted to know if there was anything at all we could do to help the situation. And it wasn’t just her. So many folks from the community started messaging me expressing their shock, disgust, heartbreak, and hopelessness. Feelings that I also share, having grown up in that community and knowing how the school and local authorities would most likely respond – at best doing nothing, and more likely, doing even more harm to trans youth there.”
Stonewall’s program team immediately took action. Guided by Kalli, who knows local LGBTQ+ organizations serving Oklahoma’s LGBTQ+ community, we reached out to Oklahomans for Equality, an organization that serves Tulsa, Owasso, and the entire state of Oklahoma.
Oklahomans for Equality (or OKEQ) does essential work. They run the Tulsa Equality Center, a community space in downtown Tulsa that serves as a safe and welcoming place for queer folks in Tulsa and beyond. Their programming is extensive, as they work with dozens of other organizations in the state. Some highlights of their programs include legal rights workshops, support groups for people of different identities and ages, arts programs, community-building events, and counseling services. One program that’s especially personal to Kalli is the OKEQ health clinic. “It’s where my sister had her first gender-affirming healthcare appointment and was able to start HRT. The folks at the clinic provided her with a safe space, educational materials, and a prescription that started a journey that changed her life and helped her to be more secure and happy with herself than she’d ever been before,” said Kalli.
In addition to all these services, OKEQ has been at the forefront of the local response to Nex’s death, holding vigils and organizing actions in their honor. This is because they serve people like Nex and so many other Oklahomans who are fighting for their lives there every day. Stonewall felt that OKEQ was the perfect organization to support during this time, specifically, because of the way we engage in trust-based philanthropy. In addition to the upheaval in the community surrounding Nex’s killing, OKEQ has been facing financial troubles since the discovery that a volunteer embezzled thousands of dollars from the organization. OKEQ has been working hard to fundraise in the community and also rebuild and increase transparency and trust among their donors. We felt this was the perfect time for Stonewall to lend our support.
We are proud to have made a $10,000 grant to OKEQ. Central to our mission is using our resources in one of the biggest queer communities in the world and channeling them to the places that need it most when they need it most. By making grants that help keep the doors of the Tulsa Equality Center open, we can help a hurting, grieving community come together to try and heal.
What happened to Nex is not the first or only time one of our trans siblings has been hurt by the horrific political choices of those in power. Just this year we’ve also lost Kitty Monroe and Chevy Hill, as well as many others. But through these devastating times, Stonewall is here as a constant, always looking for ways to make an impact where it’s needed most. As Kalli said, “I feel pride that I can take the story of our work back home to my loved ones in Oklahoma and share that hope with them too.”